I’m kind of lost right now. In the past few things certain things have happened/haven’t happened. I am currently not at liberty to speak about them, but I guess I can generalize it enough to make it not sound retarded. First of all I thought I’d be so happy that the event wouldn’t happen and it didn’t, but I am happy, yet I still feel empty inside. I feel this empty hallow feeling inside of me that is eating at me and I don’t know why. I always thought that I needed this to feel content in this world. That is all I ever really wanted out of life. To be content, to be ordinary, to be a middle of the population type of person. Yet, my life fluctuates, so damn often that I never seem to be ordinary. However, this is all in my perspective and I don’t know what others think. I really shouldn’t care and a few years back I never really did. But someone so special in my life changed me and had me open up my heart to the world. For the good? For the bad? I don’t really know. Shes no longer in my life, so the only person to every really make me feel like a human being isn’t around and I cant do anything about it. Just because I want to make things work and try again doesn’t mean its going to happen. Things are a two way street and I’ve realized that often in my life. You need someone to reciprocate for things to go anywhere. But back to the point. I should be happy with the way things have been going on the last few days, but I’m not totally sure why I’m not. Were the events that transpired over the last few days something I only my head wanted to happen or was it truly what my heart wants. I really don’t know.
For the last year or two I’ve only had 1 major personal goal/dream to happen and I hasn’t happened. It would be a miracle if it was to occur, but I highly doubt it. I know I should give up hope and forget about it, but it is a dream and as long as my heart believes there is a sliver of a chance, then I will continue to dream and pray it will happen. For now all I can do is believe and have faith.
We fear what we do not understand. Thats a phrase that has been widely used and I think it is appropriate for what I am about to write. Mark Cuban the owner of the Dallas Mavericks has said on his blog that P2P traffic is bad. It should be banned and we should use things like Google Video for all our needs. Later he re-tracked his statement on banning P2P, but we should limit P2P traffic. Both these statements really have no merit in todays age. P2P is something that needs to be embraced. I am not simply talking about pirating, but all forms of P2P. Distributing Linux, artists torrenting their music so they can be discovered, putting up clips of home movies to share with the family. P2P needs to be embraced. There are multiple reasons why. Why should I not be able to control my line that I paid 50+ dollars for? Why should I get my traffic limited or throttled depending on what I am doing? We are suppose to be considered an industrialized country, but yet we are such incredible low speeds compared to many parts of the world. My friend from France said he can get a 100Mb connection. Same goes for Japan, Korean and many other countries. I pay for my horrible connect where I have very few choices, if any to pick from. I am forced to use it and I should be in control of what I paid for. Another thing is why should we have 1 or 2 companies monopolizing our traffic? P2P is meant for digital distribution. Meaning many people can share and thus increasing speeds. Imagine if a million people hit 1 site at one time to download a 1Gb file. That server would be overloaded and speeds would be slow. Now imagine the same server serving 1000 people different pieces of that 1Gb file and then those 1000 people share it with more people and that trend continues. A lot faster.
But this whole P2P thing isn’t even the biggest deal to me. My biggest concerns at the moment are companies not willing to adapt and net neutrality. These are the 2 biggest issues for me at the moment. Companies need to learn to adapt to the situation. What I am getting at is the MPAA and RIAA. Instead of following their broken business model, why not adapt and create a new strategy. Instead of suing dead people and 12 year old kids, try adapting to the new way of music distribution. Stop trying to strike fear into people lives. Stop wasting tax money and do something more important. Quit the lobbying for politicians to create new laws where they are making universities obligated to stop piracy and if that does not happen, their funding will be stopped. Stop ruining this country and the lives of our future.
Next is net neutrality. Please do not regulate the internet. When this happens this will be one of the biggest downfalls for our country. When ISPs start charging for what we visit and how often we visit. The worst thing I can see happening is you would pay 40 dollars a month for internet access, but you are only allowed to visit google sites and msn sites. If you want to go to epsn.com too bad your shit out of luck and have to buy that package. This will really piss me off.
I’ve been thinking about it recently, if our country does not adapt and fit technology into our lives, we will perish. I was hoping that my generation would take control of the government, but I don’t think we can wait that long anymore. What I really want is to get people with experience in technology into Congress. I don’t want our Congressmen/woman to say things like ‘the Internet is made up of a series of tubes’. P
W00t Thanksgiving is tomorrow/tonite depending on when i finish this post ^_^. So this is like the 5th/6th year I’ve done Thanksgiving. I’ve been through many iterations of turkey, from the brine to the deep fry. My favorite is still the brine. Soaking it in a brine makes the meat so juicy. I always dread Thanksgiving because I work so hard, but it is all worth it when I made a fantastic meal ^_^. About 20 people this year, thats probably the biggest we’ve had.
Life pretty good. I’ve actually had a giant smile the last couple of days. I got an awesome raise, thank to my bosses. They are so awesome. I am so glad i stumbled upon this job. I am so grateful that they gave me this opportunity. After 3 months into job hunting after I quit EA and gave up a dream of mine, another door did truly open and they had blessed me with the opportunity. When people wouldn’t return my calls, wouldn’t give me an interview because I was a fresh kid from college and etc. The people at my job gave me that chance. They gave me some responsibility and I took it and ran with it. It feels so good and makes me tingle that my boss tells me that I have far exceeded their expectations. It just makes me so happy to hear it. Initially they wanted me to do a bunch of documentation, but with certain things happening at work the opportunity to do extensive coding came. I took it and even though I was totally unfamiliar with what they gave me, I asked questions, did research and boom I did the best I could. I know I have a long way to go to become a good developer, but I know I can and i will push forward and do the best that I can. I’ll prove all the doubters that I can become a successful person in life.
So my sister god married a couple of weeks ago. They are finishing the remodeling of their new house and are going to move out in a month or 2. It makes me so sad to think about. I really love my sister to death and I am going to miss not seeing her all the time. It seems like shes becoming more and more distant and I really don’t want us to become what my dads side of the family is. There is so much anger towards each other and it is something I really hate to see. We are blood. I hope my sister and I will be close forever.
In other news I am down about 20 lbs. I probably got another 40-60 lbs until I feel comfortable. I’m feel more confident in myself and I really need to do this for myself. Things are finally turning around in my life. I’ve always had so much disappointment in my life and I’ve always shined on the negative. I’m finally achieving things and become something I really like. I got a good job, and getting a good wage for being 23 in this field, I got a wonderful family, I’m losing some weight, I’m gaining confidence, I’m having some fun, I rid people who have a negative influence in my life and I’m actually happy. Things are pretty good =)
So to end I’ll post a vid that I almost shed a tear to. It has so much meaning to me and the video is pretty sad.