KrAyZiE

I’m kind of lost right now. In the past few things certain things have happened/haven’t happened. I am currently not at liberty to speak about them, but I guess I can generalize it enough to make it not sound retarded. First of all I thought I’d be so happy that the event wouldn’t happen and it didn’t, but I am happy, yet I still feel empty inside. I feel this empty hallow feeling inside of me that is eating at me and I don’t know why. I always thought that I needed this to feel content in this world. That is all I ever really wanted out of life. To be content, to be ordinary, to be a middle of the population type of person. Yet, my life fluctuates, so damn often that I never seem to be ordinary. However, this is all in my perspective and I don’t know what others think. I really shouldn’t care and a few years back I never really did. But someone so special in my life changed me and had me open up my heart to the world. For the good? For the bad? I don’t really know. Shes no longer in my life, so the only person to every really make me feel like a human being isn’t around and I cant do anything about it. Just because I want to make things work and try again doesn’t mean its going to happen. Things are a two way street and I’ve realized that often in my life. You need someone to reciprocate for things to go anywhere. But back to the point. I should be happy with the way things have been going on the last few days, but I’m not totally sure why I’m not. Were the events that transpired over the last few days something I only my head wanted to happen or was it truly what my heart wants. I really don’t know.

For the last year or two I’ve only had 1 major personal goal/dream to happen and I hasn’t happened. It would be a miracle if it was to occur, but I highly doubt it. I know I should give up hope and forget about it, but it is a dream and as long as my heart believes there is a sliver of a chance, then I will continue to dream and pray it will happen. For now all I can do is believe and have faith.